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She’s not looking for a serious relationship – Men who remain single.

''She's not looking for a serious relationship''. 

In my role as a life coach, I often am told by certain of my male clients that they are not able to find women who are looking for a committed relationship. These men are convinced that all women here in Montreal just don't want to commit and start a family. They go on many dates but at the end of the date - usually the first - the girl will say that she's not looking for a relationship. A polite way out without causing hurt. However, these women are reinforcing the thought that there just are not any serious girls out there anymore!  These men who are ultra-ready to commit cannot be signed on as matchmaking clients as they simply have too much work to do on themselves before being ready for a relationship, hence, I work with them as a life coach.

The truth is that most women that I meet are really looking for something serious and committing to a man and starting a family is at the top of their list!

So what's going on?

I notice a common ground with these men. They are usually shy, incapable of holding a conversation, have difficulty making eye contact, are ill at ease in a large group. I guess we could say that they are socially awkward. Most of them hold good jobs, some are physically fit, others not. But they are all in very deep denial and refuse to listen to any recommendations that I may attempt to make.

Social awkwardness can be addressed, but like the alcoholic who refuses to admit his problem, these men categorically refuse to face reality and blame the women that they meet. It's so much easier to blame someone or something rather than admitting one's weakness.

What is really sad is that instead of working on themselves and looking for improvement, they turn to foreign dating sites, usually based in Eastern Europe to find their life partner. After having invested astronomical amounts of money, they assuredly find a ''marriage minded'' partner who will come to Canada for a 30 day trial and subsequently commit for the rest of her life. You can imagine what happens next....

How I feel sorry when I see an individual who refuses to recognize his shortcomings and aim to work on them. To these men who say that women are not serious, I say stop! Look at yourself and ask yourself if maybe you are the problem... could it be that local women will never fall in love with you because of reasons that you choose to ignore? Do you really prefer to take the easy, yet expensive way out and choose to build a life with a woman who will never love you but who will be with you to escape from a country where she has no quality of life?  Food for thought.

 

Joan Paiement - Certified Life Coach

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