There’s no doubt our initial exchanges can be decisive for what follows. So it’s no accident that merely thinking about this makes you nervous. It’s a situation in which you can feel particularly vulnerable. Those first few words certainly weigh in the balance, but don’t forget that language is not only verbal.

The idea is for the other person to be interested in you, while making him or her feel important and at ease, at the same time. Here are a couple of tips to help you get that initial conversation going in the right direction.

Ladies

Are you a tad nervous and afraid of looking foolish? First of all: relax and don’t be dramatic. Act as though the man you are meeting is already a good friend. You’ll find that subjects of conversation will come to mind more easily.

Among the vast range of conversation starters to be found on the Web, here are three that are deceptively simple. Once that first nervy patch is past, you’ll find that starting a conversation doesn’t involve any rocket science.

• Me, myself and I.

What could be more natural than talking about yourself? After all, for the gentleman in question, you are the hot topic and the one who knows that subject best! Naturally, you are not going to unroll your entire pedigree and life story in one go. You can use whatever surroundings you are in to reveal something about you. For example: “This is the park I used to love coming to when I was younger. I would sit on the grass and read after my jogging, or just watching the people passing by…”

• How was your day?

A classic never out of fashion. This innocent-seeming question can get the ball rolling on a host of other subjects. The answer can take you down all sorts of paths to do with work, hobbies and relationships. It’s an excellent way to identify connections of mutual interest.

• What are you proud of having done in your life?

Without wanting to seem like you’re in interview mode, it can prove interesting to lead your partner to speak of his accomplishments. Where is the man who does not like to boast, at least a little? It should allow you to quickly grasp what motivates and gratifies him. According to Wendy Walsh, Ph.D. and author of The 30-Day Love Detox, a healthy ego is very sexy.

Gentlemen

Are you looking for just the right opening line that will leave her breathless/make her fall in an instant? Forget it. Classic flirting lines won’t work with women who are looking for a man with values. And your true value will stand out when you use your own words, showing your genuine character.

Instead, show her how you might make her life more interesting, and even improve it. Here are a couple of possibilities to begin with.

• Her opinion.

All women like feeling useful and being shown consideration. Depending on the moment, find a way of asking her opinion about a given subject that will allow her to subtly open up. For example, tell her you have been looking for a way of saving your hibiscus from aphids, or are hesitating between two destinations for your next holiday, or you are looking for a present for your sister…

• Why did you decide to become a dentist/artist/accountant?

Showing interest in her life will always be appreciated. Not only do women enjoy speaking about themselves, but the lady you are with at the moment will like it more if you take an interest in her life and what she has to say. And if career talk doesn’t seem to hit the spot, try hobbies or her role as a mother, depending on the case.

• Plans for the weekend?

Another simple and effective way of learning more about your companion and potential subjects of mutual interest is to get her to speak about the coming weekend. You are likely to learn a lot about her leisure-time activities, entourage, and lifestyle in general.

In short…

• Ask open-ended questions (requiring some development) and make an effort to put them in an original and amusing way. For example, “If you could go anywhere on earth you liked, where would you go?” or “If you were a fictional character, which one would you be?” or on a more serious note perhaps, “Where do you see yourself being in ten years time?”

• Smile and laugh. Nothing is more attractive.

• Look into the other person’s eyes. This is really important when it comes to a first conversation. A look that is frank and open displays interest and confidence. But you should avoid being too intense so you don’t frighten him or her away!

• Don’t try and calculate each word you say… Be confident, feel natural and relaxed, and have fun.

Your turn now!

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