The life of a matchmaker is very exciting indeed. We get to meet many interesting men and women and the joy we feel when they fall in love is unsurpassed. However, matchmaking is a process and the first introduction is not always the best introduction. The dating world is not an easy one to navigate and rule #1 for success is to be realistic.
When a man and a woman meet for a first date, 3 things can happen : they both like each other and will see one another again, they mutually are not interested and the dreaded one is interested and the other is not. That is the difficult one. Now, here is where being realistic comes into play and here is how it will help to ensure success. When one of the parties is not interested, it is customary to make an excuse to break it off instead of being truthful. Of course, nobody wants to hurt the other one's feelings. So here are the 3 most common excuses for breaking up that we encounter
1) You're really great but I'm not ready for a relationship. Come on! This person invested serious money to hire a matchmaker... do you really believe that he or she is not ready for a relationship? Truth is that this person is not ready for a relationship WITH YOU. Move on!
2) I'm really busy at work right now and it wouldn't be fair for you. Translation: I can make time for someone who really interests me, but it is simply not YOU! Move on!
3) Wow, you're amazing but you really live too far. Here's the real deal, this person knew where you lived when we made the introduction. Problem is he or she is just not that into YOU! Move on!
Being realistic means that one should recognize that these are just excuses given to spare one's feelings. By admitting this, it will allow you to not only realize that this person is not the right one for you, but receiving repeated excuses such as these could be the key to meeting the right person as they should lead you to look deeper: Did you present yourself in the best possible way? Do you complain a lot? Do you talk about your past relationships too much? Do you question the other on his or her exes too much? If you are having a drink or a meal somewhere, are you being kind to the wait staff? Are you being attentive to what the person in front of you is saying? Are you asking questions and showing yourself interested? Finally could you afford to lose a few pounds? These are all common situations that people tend to ignore which inevitably lead to dating failures.
Heed the excuses... if you're getting too much of the same, pay attention to yourself see if you can improve and within no time, you'll be right where you want to be and your matchmaker will be absolutely delighted!
Joan S. Paiement, Certified Matchmaker, Life and Dating Coach